Labels

Labels. Ehh.

It's funny how much importance people put on labels. Whether it's the kind of coffee they drink, the clothes they wear, or even their job title, people can get completely inflated or bent out of shape because of a simple label.

I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. But recently I've had quite a direct experience with the ways in which people assign meaning to labels.

When J and I were going through the process of applying to prequalify for a mortgage, I had to fill out paperwork. Stacks and stacks of paperwork. One of the first questions offered a few seemingly innocuous boxes about my marital status. Of course, I checked Single, which I think is kind of funny considering single isn't a label that I apply to myself, personally.

During my first phone conversation with our loan officer, he asked in a somewhat surprised (and judgmental tone), "So, you and J aren't married?" Well, no. We're not. So?

He alluded to some potential problems that could arise when a home is bought by an unmarried couple. I kindly but directly shot back something about, "Is this an issue because we aren't married?" and he backed down a bit.

Similarly, at my new job I've told some coworkers that I'm in the process of buying a house with my boyfriend. One was so bold as to say, "So you're not married and you're going to buy a house together?" What's that about? Is it because they wouldn't personally do what I'm doing? Is it because they feel less secure about themselves because they wouldn't do it and therefore need to question me about it? I just don't get it. Why would other people care?

And, to be honest, in my little slice of the world, I don't see how a relationship lacking a marriage certificate and a marriage are much different.* And granted, I've never been married, so what do I really know?** J and I are totally committed to each other. We're buying a house together, after all. We have dogs. We have things. We have each other.

And the way I look at a marriage is really a relationship with a huge celebration and a goregous white dress thrown in there somewhere. I'm totally down for that and can't wait to get engaged and married, but I think if I didn't get engaged and married, my relationship with J would continue on just the same. So why do people get so hung up on the label of "boyfriend" when I say I'm buying a house with him?

It doesn't bother me much because I don't care much what the people making those judgements think. Sounds harsh, but that's how you have to respond to things like that, right?

What other labels are frustrating on a personal level? I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

*I'm not saying that they aren't different for other people and couples, so don't take this as my blanket opinion of everyone's lives.
**This evokes that standard scene in movies where the parent yells at the child who is making an assumption or judgment about cheating or some other indecency. Which I think is probably pretty true. How could you know if you haven't experienced it?