Bra-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la

There are some "becoming a woman" things I always associated with getting married. Getting professionally fitted for a bra was one of them.

So when bff Y asked last week if D and I wanted to get fitted at a local bra boutique, I thought, Perfect. I get to spend time with my ladies and check something off my not-yet-totally-formed-and-(probably)-"cute"-to-others-more-into-their-planning list.

We all arrived with the same expectation - that we've all been wearing the wrong size forever. And that we'd have to invest crazy amounts of money to rebuild our bra collection. This is not entirely true for me, the one who shops at Forever 21's accessory store for her bras and scoffs at Victoria's Secret prices - even during the semi-annual sales. But for my friends, D and Y,who frequent Victoria's Secret like it's going out of style, they'd be losing some serious moolah in their bra drawer if their sizes were wrong.

With two sales women and three of us, we divided among the changing rooms. I had the mean lady who measured me and told me that I'm the exact size I've been wearing for years. I was surprised, but not terribly. My breasts aren't big, and there's really not much room for error.

I told Mean Lady that that was the size I already wore, and she left to help my friend. She never told me she'd get me some bras to try on (which were located in the back of the store), so I redressed and went to the front of the store.

After she helped a friend, she found me in the front and said, "Oh, you didn't want me to get you any bras to try on?" and I said, "Oh, no..." as I hadn't realized that's how the store worked. I thought maybe I chose my merchandise and then tried it on. So then she says, accusatorily, "So you mean you don't want to try on any bras?" To which I responded, "Uh, no."

Within a few minutes I figured out that I was supposed to stay in my dressing room, as my friends began to try on bras that were brought to them. I even heard D and Y call out to each other - both were off by TWO cup sizes. Ouch.

Luckily the nice lady rescued me, and I went back to my dressing room for a few tries.

But man oh man I didn't realize bras could be so expensive! The first she brought was $82. The second, $62. The third (and my favorite), a whopping $90. Ridiculous!

Because of the enormous pressure I felt from Mean Lady, I caved and chose the $90 bra with matching $38 "panties"*. For a total of $135, I had one lame-ass honeymoon getup. Do you know how many things I could buy from Victoria's Secret for the same amount?

The more I've thought about it, the more pissed I've become that I let pressure get me. So today, after work, I took my neatly wrapped package back to the store to return. The woman - luckily neither Mean Lady or Nice Lady - first asked if there was a problem with my purchase. I tell her no, that honestly it's just the expense that's the problem. Then she reviews my receipt and goes, "Oh, did you buy 'panties'? Those are non-refundable, even with the tags." Okay, fine, I can understand that. Though I doubt many women who are purchasing $38 underwear are then the type to return them after a wear or two.

So then I asked if I could just return the bra. She begins to go through the motions of returning it and then asks, "Did the salesperson before mention that bras may only be returned for store credit?" Uhhhhh, no! I tell her this. She gives me a sad look and says, "Well, I'm sorry, but..." And I'm thinking, HELLO. If I told you that the expense of two pieces of cloth is the "problem" with my purchase, what makes you think I want your damn store credit?

So then I think, fine, I'll just get the store credit and use it later. But then I realize I'm stuck with some $38 leopard print underwear with no matching bra. Might as well have the whole set, right?

So I say, forget it! I'll keep it!, snatch up my bag (okay actually I was quite nice - it wasn't her fault), and leave.

But then as I drove home I thought I should really call the manager. It's ridiculous. I was never told that I would not be able to return the purchase for real money. I bet the company's owned by a man.

Totally did not go as planned. It is pretty, though, isn't it?

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*That word makes me skeeve.